[ She actually had been against moving from the hospital at the start, but as the week has ticked on her own temper has grown to the point that she's torn up papers, kicked over her chair, flipped a coffee table in her room and even almost tore up a pillow in her frustration without anyone to cling onto at the time.
Oxytocin has become a new best friend, something she's come to rely on when her mind can't focus as well and all she can think about is the need to eat.
She's taken it before this phonecall update starts, notes spread out in front of her in the living room as they are, and Peter's science suitcase to her right. It's been a blessing, having something to use when she had the bare minimal here. ]
I shall not begin with pleasantaries, only with my update. [ She's a lot more curt than before, wavering on how she tries to make her voice softer because she doesn't want to be like this.
It's just so hard when you've eaten all the snacks you think you can and then even that isn't enough. ]
With the vaccine now in testing stages, I have moved onto Giovanni's blood samples and can ask him for more once he is home. I tested some of the regular blood samples with his as it may be that his antibodies may assume that other blood is a foreign object and elimate anything there. It would seem that is not as big of an issue as I had worried about, however.
[Pleasantries are hardly a concern now. Sieglinde is far more concerned with results, with anything to indicate they might be able to develop a cure...
And with the progression of the virus in her science teammates.]
Of course, Sonia.
That is good news to hear. I had similar worries for the samples I've taken from Ban, but the results are not yet in.
I suppose that is understandable. [ That they'd come to the same conclusion on those that might have antibodies too potent they'd wreck anything. ]
It is, I have only used it separately for now, but next I will try against a sample of one of the infected, rather than just a normal sample or a virus sample individually.
[ She pauses then, voice growing more tired. ]
I am sorry it has taken a while for the update, however.
[ And she's starting to get to the point where she can't rely on text, because her thoughts are muddled with the fight against hunger as well now. This is safer for her. ]
[Sieglinde doesn't think Ban's blood will attack others so much as she's worried it might just refuse to mix, but the basis is the same. Inhuman, or advanced blood, mixing with human...
It's risky territory.]
So noted.
You need not apologize to me. I know that it must be trying.
["Trying". She cannot know what it would be like, to be infected, though she tries to imagine.]
[ There are a number of factors to take into account either way. She pauses at the words Sieglinde says, biting down on the irritation because does she?
In all honesty, she knows nothing of Sieglinde's life before ALASTAIR, and even then it is very little. It isn't as though the other girl allows many people in either. It's just something in what she says which makes her own voice shake slightly when she next speaks. ]
It does not matter either way.
[ Whether it is trying or not, they need to get this done. ]
[It doesn't matter. It's something she could imagine herself saying, and that doesn't make it better somehow, leaving Sieglinde staring awkwardly, anxiously, through the video.]
Sonia...
[But what could she say? What should she say?
Despite her wishes to be, Sieglinde had never quite become good at comfort. At least, not to her knowledge.]
Please... [ Her voice cracks slightly, and for her part she's glad she's on audio because she doesn't want her expression to be seen right now. She doesn't want to talk about this. ]
There is no need to linger on the subject. I am fine.
[There's a moment where Sieglinde wonders if she should. She hates it herself, when people pry, when people insist she isn't fine, (even when she fears they might be right). But this was... there was no way it could be denied, could it? There was... fine and then...
[ She doesn't know what she wants, other than this cure to be sorted already so she can erase the past few weeks from her mind.
Her end goes absolutely silent for a moment, as thought she's contemplating something. She doesn't know how to say it, but it's easier that she says it sooner rather than later. ]
I think... [ She exhales. ] The symptoms are coming more quickly than most others have dealt with.
Yes. [ The response is short, and really even if Urahara will confirm this later, she presumes he'll have already figured out it was a possibility. ]
I believe I may have mentioned this before when you and Graham made that post, though I cannot remember for certain. I have been brainwashed before, then placed in a software that erased my memories and input my past self there in the hopes of recovering me, I suppose. The system had to be shut down early, so I retained my memories, however the problem was at least erased.
[She's mentioned... briefly, something to the effect of having been influenced mentally, but. Would such a thing physically cause accelerated advancement of virus symptoms?
Mental health was hardly her forte. (Hah.)]
I am afraid you will need to expound on the connection.
It... [ It's messing with the brain, and considering the infection mostly altered the brain and the messages it sends re: hunger, it isn't impossible. ]
It was an alteration that caused us to only feel the need to despair. To spread despair by causing violence, by killing others, by hurting ourselves. I commanded my entire nation to fall-- [ Her breath shakes, and if Sieglinde is listening carefully she might hear the telltale signs of crying. ] --by taking the crown from my parents. The virus is not so dissimilar in that way.
[Some sort of... depression? Paranoia? Something like a melancholy of the mind, but... spread like a virus?
It's something she has trouble understanding, but perhaps anyone would, and yet- Sonia is crying. (That's what that sound is, isn't it? Did she just confess to both matricide, patricide, and regicide? Sonia?) So what does she do? Say?]
So you believe that... your mental capacity already having been compromised, you remain more susceptible to the virus at this time?
[Was it the right choice, to try and keep speaking clinically?]
[ More than that even, it's... more a way of life. A lust for something so deeply dark that you inflict the pain on yourself to feel that kind of despair. Junko Enoshima is... something else.
It's hard to get the words out, but she's more used to this than she wants to admit. Quietly, the manages the words. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
audio | un: Princess | today p much
Oxytocin has become a new best friend, something she's come to rely on when her mind can't focus as well and all she can think about is the need to eat.
She's taken it before this phonecall update starts, notes spread out in front of her in the living room as they are, and Peter's science suitcase to her right. It's been a blessing, having something to use when she had the bare minimal here. ]
I shall not begin with pleasantaries, only with my update. [ She's a lot more curt than before, wavering on how she tries to make her voice softer because she doesn't want to be like this.
It's just so hard when you've eaten all the snacks you think you can and then even that isn't enough. ]
With the vaccine now in testing stages, I have moved onto Giovanni's blood samples and can ask him for more once he is home. I tested some of the regular blood samples with his as it may be that his antibodies may assume that other blood is a foreign object and elimate anything there. It would seem that is not as big of an issue as I had worried about, however.
no subject
And with the progression of the virus in her science teammates.]
Of course, Sonia.
That is good news to hear. I had similar worries for the samples I've taken from Ban, but the results are not yet in.
no subject
It is, I have only used it separately for now, but next I will try against a sample of one of the infected, rather than just a normal sample or a virus sample individually.
[ She pauses then, voice growing more tired. ]
I am sorry it has taken a while for the update, however.
[ And she's starting to get to the point where she can't rely on text, because her thoughts are muddled with the fight against hunger as well now. This is safer for her. ]
no subject
It's risky territory.]
So noted.
You need not apologize to me. I know that it must be trying.
["Trying". She cannot know what it would be like, to be infected, though she tries to imagine.]
no subject
In all honesty, she knows nothing of Sieglinde's life before ALASTAIR, and even then it is very little. It isn't as though the other girl allows many people in either. It's just something in what she says which makes her own voice shake slightly when she next speaks. ]
It does not matter either way.
[ Whether it is trying or not, they need to get this done. ]
no subject
Sonia...
[But what could she say? What should she say?
Despite her wishes to be, Sieglinde had never quite become good at comfort. At least, not to her knowledge.]
no subject
There is no need to linger on the subject. I am fine.
[ Definitely doesn't sound fine though. ]
no subject
[There's a moment where Sieglinde wonders if she should. She hates it herself, when people pry, when people insist she isn't fine, (even when she fears they might be right). But this was... there was no way it could be denied, could it? There was... fine and then...
Infected with the Bristol virus.]
If you are absolutely sure... ?
no subject
Her end goes absolutely silent for a moment, as thought she's contemplating something. She doesn't know how to say it, but it's easier that she says it sooner rather than later. ]
I think... [ She exhales. ] The symptoms are coming more quickly than most others have dealt with.
no subject
Is there any reason you can think of that would explain such a thing?
[Something about her genetic makeup? Her world? Something she hasn't told them about?]
no subject
I believe I may have mentioned this before when you and Graham made that post, though I cannot remember for certain. I have been brainwashed before, then placed in a software that erased my memories and input my past self there in the hopes of recovering me, I suppose. The system had to be shut down early, so I retained my memories, however the problem was at least erased.
[ She's getting there slowly. ]
no subject
Mental health was hardly her forte. (Hah.)]
I am afraid you will need to expound on the connection.
no subject
It was an alteration that caused us to only feel the need to despair. To spread despair by causing violence, by killing others, by hurting ourselves. I commanded my entire nation to fall-- [ Her breath shakes, and if Sieglinde is listening carefully she might hear the telltale signs of crying. ] --by taking the crown from my parents. The virus is not so dissimilar in that way.
no subject
It's something she has trouble understanding, but perhaps anyone would, and yet- Sonia is crying. (That's what that sound is, isn't it? Did she just confess to both matricide, patricide, and regicide? Sonia?) So what does she do? Say?]
So you believe that... your mental capacity already having been compromised, you remain more susceptible to the virus at this time?
[Was it the right choice, to try and keep speaking clinically?]
no subject
It's hard to get the words out, but she's more used to this than she wants to admit. Quietly, the manages the words. ]
It is possible. How else can you explain it?