The reminder that she has closed herself off, that he didn't consider himself to know her, not really, brings a somewhat shameful color to her gaze, to the way she holds herself. Even though it wasn't just Asher... or maybe because it wasn't.
It was hard. Being honest. Opening up, when, just as he was doing now... so many left her behind, and she was forced again and again to make the choice to either bury herself in her work and her experiments... or to reach out again.
... with Asher gone... how many would remain that she had served beside in ALASTAIR? Who had known her, even a little?
(And then there were four.)]
... and I as well.
[Is what she finally says. To apologize now for not allowing him to know her better... what use was there in that?
Instead, she finally creaks back to movement, to the album she had pulled out in preparation... and to the photograph she'd selected. A printed out kodak disposable camera, timestamped 02/11/1993.
A group photo, from her birthday party in Woodhurst. There is Lucina, and Loki, and Urahara, and Ahad, and Olivia, and Achilles, and Patroclus (alive). There she is, in the middle, behind a cake. Smiling. Wearing the necklace he had given her that day.]
... I wanted to you to have this. If you will be able to take things with you.
[He can and will, surely, because he wants proof that this all really did happen.
Asher takes the image from her wordlessly, staring at it while feeling a sharp pang in his gut. Fear takes hold of him briefly as he realizes that this is a picture he will have to hide. Time travel and magic are not supposed to exist, and neither are the friends he's made nor the love he's found.
Within the confines of his own world, behind the gilded gates that are Middleton's and under the lofty weight of society's expectations, is he doomed to be alone?
Is this the only way he would have ever known real happiness?]
Thanks.
[Asher almost offers it back to her- She was closer to Patroclus and Achilles than he was. The hand holding the image lies restlessly on his knee.]
Sieglinde listens, eyes somewhat downcast. Asher has always been someone she struggled to communicate with at times, not simply because how he spoke so casually and in modern words, but also because their experiences in life had been... so very different. But even with all that difference, the parts about how he was raised versus how she’d been, how he thought against how she did... ]
I do not think it is stupid.
[They could feel the same things.
Murmured, soft and low, even as she finally retakes her seat. Had she not also wondered what would happen if she returned to her world? Wondered if the forces closing in on her would be too strong to fight, that they would shape her life and there would have been no point to leaving her village at all? Wondered if despite all that had happened she might still be that naive, ignorant little girl, deep down?]
But-
[Tentatively... she reaches out and places a hand on his. Small, pale, marked with chemical burns and cuts here and there.]
You have changed. You can’t not have. Even if other things remain the same in your world, you must not doubt that.
Somehow he always finds himself being comforted by smaller, younger women. While there's still a bit of a burn that comes with the societal implications of such a thing, he has largely learned to accept it.
They are all smarter than him anyway.]
So've you.
[He grips that hand, gently, in a way that is uniquely Asher. The boy has got a strong grip for sure, but is not the kind that hurts or frightens. The law student is always a tad warmer than most people, a side effect of getting so worked up about everything all the time.]
It's okay to want to be happy, y'know.
[Touch comes to him more naturally than words do.
Most of the time it is how Asher prefers to communicate.]
[Don't worry Asher... Sieglinde is quite sure she's smarter than most everyone else, older, younger, male or female. It's not just you.
But she does manage to smile, just a little bit. Doesn't pull away from his touch, just... letting him have that. (Maybe, letting herself.) She knows she has changed. Changed... to the point that she sometimes worries that her world... won't hold the same wonder for her any longer. But that fear... she will not be able to face until the time comes.
His time has come first.]
... Thank you, Asher.
[She'd like to believe that... but until then... it was nice just to hear it.]
But you are the one who is to be happy first.
[Back in his world... and maybe it's safer there, compared to the work they do here... but.]
... Please be safe.
[She can't watch over him there. He'll be on his own... but.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The reminder that she has closed herself off, that he didn't consider himself to know her, not really, brings a somewhat shameful color to her gaze, to the way she holds herself. Even though it wasn't just Asher... or maybe because it wasn't.
It was hard. Being honest. Opening up, when, just as he was doing now... so many left her behind, and she was forced again and again to make the choice to either bury herself in her work and her experiments... or to reach out again.
... with Asher gone... how many would remain that she had served beside in ALASTAIR? Who had known her, even a little?
(And then there were four.)]
... and I as well.
[Is what she finally says. To apologize now for not allowing him to know her better... what use was there in that?
Instead, she finally creaks back to movement, to the album she had pulled out in preparation... and to the photograph she'd selected. A printed out kodak disposable camera, timestamped 02/11/1993.
A group photo, from her birthday party in Woodhurst. There is Lucina, and Loki, and Urahara, and Ahad, and Olivia, and Achilles, and Patroclus (alive). There she is, in the middle, behind a cake. Smiling. Wearing the necklace he had given her that day.]
... I wanted to you to have this. If you will be able to take things with you.
no subject
Asher takes the image from her wordlessly, staring at it while feeling a sharp pang in his gut. Fear takes hold of him briefly as he realizes that this is a picture he will have to hide. Time travel and magic are not supposed to exist, and neither are the friends he's made nor the love he's found.
Within the confines of his own world, behind the gilded gates that are Middleton's and under the lofty weight of society's expectations, is he doomed to be alone?
Is this the only way he would have ever known real happiness?]
Thanks.
[Asher almost offers it back to her- She was closer to Patroclus and Achilles than he was. The hand holding the image lies restlessly on his knee.]
Hey, uh... This might sound kinda dumb, but...
Can I ask you somethin'?
no subject
Without it, Sieglinde can only nod.]
Should it be within my power to answer.
no subject
Asher hesitates for a moment.]
Before I got roped into all that shit with ALASTAIR, I was kinda just... I dunno, goin' through the motions of like, my life? I guess?
[He blows air out from one side of his mouth.]
I mostly did stuff because I wanted people to like me, like really, really, really bad, and then I came here.
And, things were finally different, but, I'm going back home now, and I can't help but think-
[Here Asher shakes his head.]
Do you ever worry that no matter what you say or what you do, that-
[Nobody will ever love you-]
Things'll never change?
Is that stupid, or what? That's stupid, huh.
no subject
Sieglinde listens, eyes somewhat downcast. Asher has always been someone she struggled to communicate with at times, not simply because how he spoke so casually and in modern words, but also because their experiences in life had been... so very different. But even with all that difference, the parts about how he was raised versus how she’d been, how he thought against how she did... ]
I do not think it is stupid.
[They could feel the same things.
Murmured, soft and low, even as she finally retakes her seat. Had she not also wondered what would happen if she returned to her world? Wondered if the forces closing in on her would be too strong to fight, that they would shape her life and there would have been no point to leaving her village at all? Wondered if despite all that had happened she might still be that naive, ignorant little girl, deep down?]
But-
[Tentatively... she reaches out and places a hand on his. Small, pale, marked with chemical burns and cuts here and there.]
You have changed. You can’t not have. Even if other things remain the same in your world, you must not doubt that.
no subject
Somehow he always finds himself being comforted by smaller, younger women. While there's still a bit of a burn that comes with the societal implications of such a thing, he has largely learned to accept it.
They are all smarter than him anyway.]
So've you.
[He grips that hand, gently, in a way that is uniquely Asher. The boy has got a strong grip for sure, but is not the kind that hurts or frightens. The law student is always a tad warmer than most people, a side effect of getting so worked up about everything all the time.]
It's okay to want to be happy, y'know.
[Touch comes to him more naturally than words do.
Most of the time it is how Asher prefers to communicate.]
You've earned it.
no subject
But she does manage to smile, just a little bit. Doesn't pull away from his touch, just... letting him have that. (Maybe, letting herself.) She knows she has changed. Changed... to the point that she sometimes worries that her world... won't hold the same wonder for her any longer. But that fear... she will not be able to face until the time comes.
His time has come first.]
... Thank you, Asher.
[She'd like to believe that... but until then... it was nice just to hear it.]
But you are the one who is to be happy first.
[Back in his world... and maybe it's safer there, compared to the work they do here... but.]
... Please be safe.
[She can't watch over him there. He'll be on his own... but.
He'll be alright. After ALASTAIR, and Hathaway?
How can he not be.]