[Asher is more the coffee sort, but it's not like he's going to turn down tea graciously prepared by a teammate. Just the thought of that is strange in itself- In a few hours he will be in a place where he can get normal coffee from a chain like Dunkin' Donuts or Starbucks and it will feel like the most bizarre drink he's had in a while.
When he shows up to visit Sieglinde, he's already dressed and ready to go, donning a familiar outfit that she may have seen him wear months ago in the days closest to his arrival. Draped over it is a camel trenchcoat and his hair is actually done, styled, lacking the natural curls it tends to keep when he roams the halls at night snacking on various carbohydrates.]
Haaaaay.
[Asher leans over in her direction in a ridiculously goofy fashion, taking a moment to shimmy inappropriately... Because the man always has to make a entrance like an imbecile.]
[It isn’t really about the tea, in the end. She doesn’t even expect she’ll drink it- not really. Serve it, maybe. It was just something she did. Every time she has gotten one of these calls... when Kidagakesh called, when Achilles called... she prepared food and drink. A send off, of meager sorts, to try and make it look like she was glad for them.
It wasn’t like she expected them to stay, or wanted them never to return home, but.
But.
She can’t look glad to see him, standing there in the doorway acting as if nothing was wrong, wriggling his hips somewhat comically. Had it not been her birthday just the other day? Did it not seem like yesterday they had celebrated in Woodhurst? That she had spent her nights staring into computer screens and microscopes while he tried to make her eat? That she’d bled all over his false Zymandis uniform?]
[His jovial expression falls almost immediately, muscles tightening like clockwork.
Somehow, it hadn't occurred to him that she'd miss him at all.
This is far from the first time he's felt guilt, but it's coupled with another bizarre emotion he can't really name on his own. Not particularly bright, talented, or even handsome, Asher hadn't ever really figured that he was anyone all that important on her radar. Teenager or not, Sieglinde has from the start been one of the best and brightest teammates he's met on his travels, and with her cold gaze and nose that almost seems constantly turned upright, he had never really gotten his hopes up for her to see him as more than just ordinary. If you'd asked him he'd say they were friends, sure, but not in a way he understood.]
Yo.
[Asher practically collapses into his seat, slinging his arm over the side of it. His hand clenches and then unclenches, as does his jaw.]
Gotta admit, I'm a little bummed I can't see you wear your b-day prezzy for the first time.
[A darkly colored lipstick he had picked up from Hanabira, a deep wine red.]
You like it?
[Uttered nervously.
That marketplace was foreign to him. If he had more time and better options, surely he would have made a better pick.]
[Despite everything that has happened, the things they have shared over the years... Sieglinde has never quite determined what she considered Asher to be to her. It was a strange area he occupied. With the difference in their intellects, she found it difficult to relate to him as an adult... but putting that aside... he was a good man.
She knew that.]
Ah... I did not think it suited such an occasion as this, but.
[She loved it. Like his last present, which she yet wore when the dress suited. The presents that young women received, not little girls.]
Shall I use it? If you wish to see it-
[She can't even bring herself to look down on "prezzy". Not now.]
[She did have trouble with that word. "Friends". It has been used in so many different ways and people who have called that their relationship have acted towards her in so many ways. It wasn't like magic, like science, with clear boundaries and laws.]
Ah- no. ... I would like your opinion.
[Awkwardly, she slips from her seat, tea abandoned, and pads off in her distinctive gait to the bathroom.
And comes back a few minutes later, longer than it ought to take to just put on lipstick, because it didn't seem proper to just do that, so she pinched her cheeks a bit to bring out the pink, fixed her hair...
She's still young, still small for her age, and still short of a growth spurt she's been hoping for for some time... but there's been some changes since she was recruited to ALASTAIR. A bit of height, a slight shift in shape, shedding just a touch of childish roundness... and the lipstick helps a bit, to make her look just a touch older. It's why she liked it.]
[Asher is unbothered by any amount of time she takes- He is in no hurry to go home and as with anything she does it must be perfect, showy... Professional, almost. He used to think that aspect of her behavior was simply a product of the time, and while it might be in part, he wonders if it's because the extra steps to make things right are ways to fill the time she spends being lonely.
When she exits her maiden chamber or whatever the hell the old-timey folks call it, he pretty much holds his breath.
In her eyes Sieglinde exudes a raw sort of vulnerability that he's seen before, though never like this. Her moments of weakness are few and far between in the face of others, quickly followed by some burst of genius or productivity, and yet she is asking him a question while laying herself bare, something he didn't really think she had the strength to muster.]
Daaaayum, girl.
[The words are silly but the tone is not, more shy than whimsical. Being burdened with this kind of responsibility is strange.]
Yeah! Yeah, totez mcgotes.
I'm glad I picked this one. They were tryin' to sell me another lil guy- Somethin' that was more of an, I dunno, like, an orange? But this one's way better.
[More suited to darker hair and a cooler skintone.]
[Though she'd tried to smile slightly, to present a better picture... slowly, as he speaks, her smile fades. Even though its a compliment, though it pleases her to hear...
She begins to look smaller, standing there, despite the slight edge towards maturity the makeup has given her.]
... I suppose I shall be without your advice on such matters, going forward.
[Despite the brief distraction, she was not able to avoid that thought.
She thinks she could say that despite the fact that she knows he is often playing about or simply saying things in humor, that surely there is something more. That over the course of the years, there have been a few moments that they have had that have been... genuine. Vulnerable.
But really, it was just-]
... It has... simply been a very long time.
[That they have known each other. And that was a lot, to a girl whose village had been burned to the ground, who only had a single person left alive who had known her for longer than two years, (the time since Chantes).
She never has the words for these situations. She's never had them. Even when she lost all the others... despite her experience with it. She'd hoped she would know by now what to say.]
[The realization dawns upon him suddenly that it has been a long time indeed. Longer than he's been in law school, at least, by at least twice the time. That means that this is much bigger part of his identity now, that acclimating to the real world or his version of it will prove to be difficult.]
Yeah.
It has.
[Asher looks down at his lap, unsure of what to say. There are words on the tip of his tongue but he avoids them for fear of making things worse.]
Knowin' someone for a long time doesn't mean you really know 'em though, but-
[He does try to smile at her, this one more genuine than the last.]
The reminder that she has closed herself off, that he didn't consider himself to know her, not really, brings a somewhat shameful color to her gaze, to the way she holds herself. Even though it wasn't just Asher... or maybe because it wasn't.
It was hard. Being honest. Opening up, when, just as he was doing now... so many left her behind, and she was forced again and again to make the choice to either bury herself in her work and her experiments... or to reach out again.
... with Asher gone... how many would remain that she had served beside in ALASTAIR? Who had known her, even a little?
(And then there were four.)]
... and I as well.
[Is what she finally says. To apologize now for not allowing him to know her better... what use was there in that?
Instead, she finally creaks back to movement, to the album she had pulled out in preparation... and to the photograph she'd selected. A printed out kodak disposable camera, timestamped 02/11/1993.
A group photo, from her birthday party in Woodhurst. There is Lucina, and Loki, and Urahara, and Ahad, and Olivia, and Achilles, and Patroclus (alive). There she is, in the middle, behind a cake. Smiling. Wearing the necklace he had given her that day.]
... I wanted to you to have this. If you will be able to take things with you.
[He can and will, surely, because he wants proof that this all really did happen.
Asher takes the image from her wordlessly, staring at it while feeling a sharp pang in his gut. Fear takes hold of him briefly as he realizes that this is a picture he will have to hide. Time travel and magic are not supposed to exist, and neither are the friends he's made nor the love he's found.
Within the confines of his own world, behind the gilded gates that are Middleton's and under the lofty weight of society's expectations, is he doomed to be alone?
Is this the only way he would have ever known real happiness?]
Thanks.
[Asher almost offers it back to her- She was closer to Patroclus and Achilles than he was. The hand holding the image lies restlessly on his knee.]
Sieglinde listens, eyes somewhat downcast. Asher has always been someone she struggled to communicate with at times, not simply because how he spoke so casually and in modern words, but also because their experiences in life had been... so very different. But even with all that difference, the parts about how he was raised versus how she’d been, how he thought against how she did... ]
I do not think it is stupid.
[They could feel the same things.
Murmured, soft and low, even as she finally retakes her seat. Had she not also wondered what would happen if she returned to her world? Wondered if the forces closing in on her would be too strong to fight, that they would shape her life and there would have been no point to leaving her village at all? Wondered if despite all that had happened she might still be that naive, ignorant little girl, deep down?]
But-
[Tentatively... she reaches out and places a hand on his. Small, pale, marked with chemical burns and cuts here and there.]
You have changed. You can’t not have. Even if other things remain the same in your world, you must not doubt that.
Somehow he always finds himself being comforted by smaller, younger women. While there's still a bit of a burn that comes with the societal implications of such a thing, he has largely learned to accept it.
They are all smarter than him anyway.]
So've you.
[He grips that hand, gently, in a way that is uniquely Asher. The boy has got a strong grip for sure, but is not the kind that hurts or frightens. The law student is always a tad warmer than most people, a side effect of getting so worked up about everything all the time.]
It's okay to want to be happy, y'know.
[Touch comes to him more naturally than words do.
Most of the time it is how Asher prefers to communicate.]
[Don't worry Asher... Sieglinde is quite sure she's smarter than most everyone else, older, younger, male or female. It's not just you.
But she does manage to smile, just a little bit. Doesn't pull away from his touch, just... letting him have that. (Maybe, letting herself.) She knows she has changed. Changed... to the point that she sometimes worries that her world... won't hold the same wonder for her any longer. But that fear... she will not be able to face until the time comes.
His time has come first.]
... Thank you, Asher.
[She'd like to believe that... but until then... it was nice just to hear it.]
But you are the one who is to be happy first.
[Back in his world... and maybe it's safer there, compared to the work they do here... but.]
... Please be safe.
[She can't watch over him there. He'll be on his own... but.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action;
When he shows up to visit Sieglinde, he's already dressed and ready to go, donning a familiar outfit that she may have seen him wear months ago in the days closest to his arrival. Draped over it is a camel trenchcoat and his hair is actually done, styled, lacking the natural curls it tends to keep when he roams the halls at night snacking on various carbohydrates.]
Haaaaay.
[Asher leans over in her direction in a ridiculously goofy fashion, taking a moment to shimmy inappropriately... Because the man always has to make a entrance
like an imbecile.]no subject
It wasn’t like she expected them to stay, or wanted them never to return home, but.
But.
She can’t look glad to see him, standing there in the doorway acting as if nothing was wrong, wriggling his hips somewhat comically. Had it not been her birthday just the other day? Did it not seem like yesterday they had celebrated in Woodhurst? That she had spent her nights staring into computer screens and microscopes while he tried to make her eat? That she’d bled all over his false Zymandis uniform?]
... good day, Asher.
[There’s tea on the table. And a book.]
no subject
Somehow, it hadn't occurred to him that she'd miss him at all.
This is far from the first time he's felt guilt, but it's coupled with another bizarre emotion he can't really name on his own. Not particularly bright, talented, or even handsome, Asher hadn't ever really figured that he was anyone all that important on her radar. Teenager or not, Sieglinde has from the start been one of the best and brightest teammates he's met on his travels, and with her cold gaze and nose that almost seems constantly turned upright, he had never really gotten his hopes up for her to see him as more than just ordinary. If you'd asked him he'd say they were friends, sure, but not in a way he understood.]
Yo.
[Asher practically collapses into his seat, slinging his arm over the side of it. His hand clenches and then unclenches, as does his jaw.]
Gotta admit, I'm a little bummed I can't see you wear your b-day prezzy for the first time.
[A darkly colored lipstick he had picked up from Hanabira, a deep wine red.]
You like it?
[Uttered nervously.
That marketplace was foreign to him. If he had more time and better options, surely he would have made a better pick.]
no subject
She knew that.]
Ah... I did not think it suited such an occasion as this, but.
[She loved it. Like his last present, which she yet wore when the dress suited. The presents that young women received, not little girls.]
Shall I use it? If you wish to see it-
[She can't even bring herself to look down on "prezzy". Not now.]
no subject
Only if you want, chica.
I ain't got no hard n' fast rules. We're friends, right?
[A word that he suspects she has difficulty with, sometimes.]
So you're good. We're cool.
no subject
Ah- no. ... I would like your opinion.
[Awkwardly, she slips from her seat, tea abandoned, and pads off in her distinctive gait to the bathroom.
And comes back a few minutes later, longer than it ought to take to just put on lipstick, because it didn't seem proper to just do that, so she pinched her cheeks a bit to bring out the pink, fixed her hair...
She's still young, still small for her age, and still short of a growth spurt she's been hoping for for some time... but there's been some changes since she was recruited to ALASTAIR. A bit of height, a slight shift in shape, shedding just a touch of childish roundness... and the lipstick helps a bit, to make her look just a touch older. It's why she liked it.]
... does it suit me?
no subject
When she exits her maiden chamber or whatever the hell the old-timey folks call it, he pretty much holds his breath.
In her eyes Sieglinde exudes a raw sort of vulnerability that he's seen before, though never like this. Her moments of weakness are few and far between in the face of others, quickly followed by some burst of genius or productivity, and yet she is asking him a question while laying herself bare, something he didn't really think she had the strength to muster.]
Daaaayum, girl.
[The words are silly but the tone is not, more shy than whimsical. Being burdened with this kind of responsibility is strange.]
Yeah! Yeah, totez mcgotes.
I'm glad I picked this one. They were tryin' to sell me another lil guy- Somethin' that was more of an, I dunno, like, an orange? But this one's way better.
[More suited to darker hair and a cooler skintone.]
It really brings out your eyes.
[He shrugs casually.]
no subject
She begins to look smaller, standing there, despite the slight edge towards maturity the makeup has given her.]
... I suppose I shall be without your advice on such matters, going forward.
[Despite the brief distraction, she was not able to avoid that thought.
And the confusion it brought with it.]
no subject
You don't need it.
[Uncomfortable all of a sudden, Asher crosses his legs.]
Seriously. Most of the time I'm just messin' around.
[And just as soon as he says those words, he regrets them.
That's not entirely true.]
Since when have you ever listened to me, anyway?
[Right?]
You'll be alright. I know it, dawg.
no subject
She thinks she could say that despite the fact that she knows he is often playing about or simply saying things in humor, that surely there is something more. That over the course of the years, there have been a few moments that they have had that have been... genuine. Vulnerable.
But really, it was just-]
... It has... simply been a very long time.
[That they have known each other. And that was a lot, to a girl whose village had been burned to the ground, who only had a single person left alive who had known her for longer than two years, (the time since Chantes).
She never has the words for these situations. She's never had them. Even when she lost all the others... despite her experience with it. She'd hoped she would know by now what to say.]
no subject
Yeah.
It has.
[Asher looks down at his lap, unsure of what to say. There are words on the tip of his tongue but he avoids them for fear of making things worse.]
Knowin' someone for a long time doesn't mean you really know 'em though, but-
[He does try to smile at her, this one more genuine than the last.]
I'm glad I got to know you a little better.
no subject
The reminder that she has closed herself off, that he didn't consider himself to know her, not really, brings a somewhat shameful color to her gaze, to the way she holds herself. Even though it wasn't just Asher... or maybe because it wasn't.
It was hard. Being honest. Opening up, when, just as he was doing now... so many left her behind, and she was forced again and again to make the choice to either bury herself in her work and her experiments... or to reach out again.
... with Asher gone... how many would remain that she had served beside in ALASTAIR? Who had known her, even a little?
(And then there were four.)]
... and I as well.
[Is what she finally says. To apologize now for not allowing him to know her better... what use was there in that?
Instead, she finally creaks back to movement, to the album she had pulled out in preparation... and to the photograph she'd selected. A printed out kodak disposable camera, timestamped 02/11/1993.
A group photo, from her birthday party in Woodhurst. There is Lucina, and Loki, and Urahara, and Ahad, and Olivia, and Achilles, and Patroclus (alive). There she is, in the middle, behind a cake. Smiling. Wearing the necklace he had given her that day.]
... I wanted to you to have this. If you will be able to take things with you.
no subject
Asher takes the image from her wordlessly, staring at it while feeling a sharp pang in his gut. Fear takes hold of him briefly as he realizes that this is a picture he will have to hide. Time travel and magic are not supposed to exist, and neither are the friends he's made nor the love he's found.
Within the confines of his own world, behind the gilded gates that are Middleton's and under the lofty weight of society's expectations, is he doomed to be alone?
Is this the only way he would have ever known real happiness?]
Thanks.
[Asher almost offers it back to her- She was closer to Patroclus and Achilles than he was. The hand holding the image lies restlessly on his knee.]
Hey, uh... This might sound kinda dumb, but...
Can I ask you somethin'?
no subject
Without it, Sieglinde can only nod.]
Should it be within my power to answer.
no subject
Asher hesitates for a moment.]
Before I got roped into all that shit with ALASTAIR, I was kinda just... I dunno, goin' through the motions of like, my life? I guess?
[He blows air out from one side of his mouth.]
I mostly did stuff because I wanted people to like me, like really, really, really bad, and then I came here.
And, things were finally different, but, I'm going back home now, and I can't help but think-
[Here Asher shakes his head.]
Do you ever worry that no matter what you say or what you do, that-
[Nobody will ever love you-]
Things'll never change?
Is that stupid, or what? That's stupid, huh.
no subject
Sieglinde listens, eyes somewhat downcast. Asher has always been someone she struggled to communicate with at times, not simply because how he spoke so casually and in modern words, but also because their experiences in life had been... so very different. But even with all that difference, the parts about how he was raised versus how she’d been, how he thought against how she did... ]
I do not think it is stupid.
[They could feel the same things.
Murmured, soft and low, even as she finally retakes her seat. Had she not also wondered what would happen if she returned to her world? Wondered if the forces closing in on her would be too strong to fight, that they would shape her life and there would have been no point to leaving her village at all? Wondered if despite all that had happened she might still be that naive, ignorant little girl, deep down?]
But-
[Tentatively... she reaches out and places a hand on his. Small, pale, marked with chemical burns and cuts here and there.]
You have changed. You can’t not have. Even if other things remain the same in your world, you must not doubt that.
no subject
Somehow he always finds himself being comforted by smaller, younger women. While there's still a bit of a burn that comes with the societal implications of such a thing, he has largely learned to accept it.
They are all smarter than him anyway.]
So've you.
[He grips that hand, gently, in a way that is uniquely Asher. The boy has got a strong grip for sure, but is not the kind that hurts or frightens. The law student is always a tad warmer than most people, a side effect of getting so worked up about everything all the time.]
It's okay to want to be happy, y'know.
[Touch comes to him more naturally than words do.
Most of the time it is how Asher prefers to communicate.]
You've earned it.
no subject
But she does manage to smile, just a little bit. Doesn't pull away from his touch, just... letting him have that. (Maybe, letting herself.) She knows she has changed. Changed... to the point that she sometimes worries that her world... won't hold the same wonder for her any longer. But that fear... she will not be able to face until the time comes.
His time has come first.]
... Thank you, Asher.
[She'd like to believe that... but until then... it was nice just to hear it.]
But you are the one who is to be happy first.
[Back in his world... and maybe it's safer there, compared to the work they do here... but.]
... Please be safe.
[She can't watch over him there. He'll be on his own... but.
He'll be alright. After ALASTAIR, and Hathaway?
How can he not be.]