I understand why you are upset and that you feel wronged by someone going behind your back. I can see where your lack of trust stems from over it via your point of view and it is sensible to me. It was a little difficult to let go of my own point of view on the matter and embrace yours to see it better, but I managed enough to get something from it.
We view secrets and privacy differently. I am not yet sure if that is merely because you have never been exposed to situations that would force you to decide if exceptions should be made or not or if that is simply your final standing, but the fact remains I can't expect you to trust me according to what my definitions are and I need to adhere to yours.
... The fact that we view such things differently is abundantly clear to me now.
[A reply is slow in coming, mulling over what he said, jaw tight in order to try and keep her face stony and without indication of the turmoil she's felt. The pain of what she saw as a betrayal of trust, which were knives that wounded her that much deeply after... Well. No exaggeration, her entire world having been revealed to be an elaborate lie, the reminders of which she stepped upon each day.]
I'm interested to know your own definitions of such things, in your words, before I pass another judgement on the matter.
[The things he had said then, and now, hurt her. That didn't change, though.]
Of course... but perhaps another time. [ there is a small pause before he bows his head to stare down at the floor. ]
I'm sorry. I am not grounded mentally enough to stay calm through any and all discussions that could happen. I'm not interested in fighting with you further. The outcome... ... still matters to me, even if it will change nothing.
[... It's not the answer she expected. But it's not a terrible one. She's still so mad at him, and hurt, but the freshness of it has faded and she doesn't have the hysterics left in her either. She wants to be mad at him- part of her doesn't want to ever forgive him.
But the other part of her wants it to be like it was. Ignorance really was bliss, wasn't it. Bliss and death.]
Very well. I will await word from you when you are ready to discuss.
One day, you'll understand all of this, even if you ultimately do not agree with it. I can't force that any faster than you can yourself. Maybe I will be here when that day comes and you can tell me about it. Maybe I won't be, and we'll be worlds apart. Who knows. But, time is too short-- life is too short --for me to want to be in fights like this with people I care about. For you, who has lost a tenth of her years already, what will you find your life to be too short for?
I'm not looking for you to forgive me; but I'll be looking for you to see there's more to life than all or nothings.
[She was so angry with him, and she still hated that he said something to remind her they were of different worlds- that she or he might go home at any moment and then be without the other. Would she even remember him-]
Okay, I feel better. We can talk about this if you still would like.
[ What did he even go do, he's half-dressed but not in a lounging type way. Rather he's missing his blue overcoat but has the light armor pieces under it still.
Anyway it doesn't look like he slept his mood off, that's for sure.
[ because having a manslave you can take advantage of works wonders for the mood ok did those books reach you anything right??? ]
I'm not going to talk to you like a child over this. I want you to know ultimately you are not going to receive an "I was wrong, I won't do anything like it again." But, I feel you may have felt before when I would not accept the blame of your words that I was, instead, placing it on you. That is not what you will get, either, unless you really only want to believe it on your own.
If you still will hear me out knowing this, then I'll do my best.
[Goddamnit everyone who isn't her gets to have all the fun.]
Good- I am hardly one.
[Not really. Not any longer. Not for a long time.
She doesn't really like where this is going- he says he won't apologize- say he was wrong. She's come into this conversation prepared, though, and she can keep herself stony faced for now.]
If I'm not to receive a proper apology then do explain. I'm interested to hear how it might sway me more than a single sentence would.
You only said he was dangerous and I should stay away- that sort of vagueness. If you want me to give it proper weight you had best explain how you know these things and why he is dangerous.
[ he supposes it's vague but not intentionally... he assumes some of this would be safely assumed. But, maybe he relies too much on that thought process. ]
He's from the same world as me. In addition to a renowned reputation, he has had his eyes on my swords and my Right-Eye for some time, now. I already told you why though, didn't I ? You were offended when I said you weren't capable of keeping him out of your head.
[The first part is better- alright. She obviously assumed he was of the same world, but better to know that he was after certain things, and what they were. The swords. Kojuro.
He will make you doubt yourself no matter how many times you deny it. He always is willing to take it one step further than your limit. If he finds out you are important to me he doesn't need to know anything else about you.
You don't even trust me as it is. So perhaps him convincing you further won't bother you. But what if during that you slip a small hint of something about others or yourself? He has no issue weaving his topics to find which one suits to causing you trouble best.the less you speak with him, the less words he has opportunity with.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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... And what have you understood?
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We view secrets and privacy differently. I am not yet sure if that is merely because you have never been exposed to situations that would force you to decide if exceptions should be made or not or if that is simply your final standing, but the fact remains I can't expect you to trust me according to what my definitions are and I need to adhere to yours.
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[A reply is slow in coming, mulling over what he said, jaw tight in order to try and keep her face stony and without indication of the turmoil she's felt. The pain of what she saw as a betrayal of trust, which were knives that wounded her that much deeply after... Well. No exaggeration, her entire world having been revealed to be an elaborate lie, the reminders of which she stepped upon each day.]
I'm interested to know your own definitions of such things, in your words, before I pass another judgement on the matter.
[The things he had said then, and now, hurt her. That didn't change, though.]
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I'm sorry. I am not grounded mentally enough to stay calm through any and all discussions that could happen. I'm not interested in fighting with you further. The outcome... ... still matters to me, even if it will change nothing.
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But the other part of her wants it to be like it was. Ignorance really was bliss, wasn't it. Bliss and death.]
Very well. I will await word from you when you are ready to discuss.
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One day, you'll understand all of this, even if you ultimately do not agree with it. I can't force that any faster than you can yourself. Maybe I will be here when that day comes and you can tell me about it. Maybe I won't be, and we'll be worlds apart. Who knows. But, time is too short-- life is too short --for me to want to be in fights like this with people I care about. For you, who has lost a tenth of her years already, what will you find your life to be too short for?
I'm not looking for you to forgive me; but I'll be looking for you to see there's more to life than all or nothings.
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Perhaps in a few hours, then.
Idk five hours later.
[ What did he even go do, he's half-dressed but not in a lounging type way. Rather he's missing his blue overcoat but has the light armor pieces under it still.
Anyway it doesn't look like he slept his mood off, that's for sure.
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I am willing to hear you out.
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because having a manslave you can take advantage of works wonders for the mood ok]did those books reach you anything right???
I'm not going to talk to you like a child over this. I want you to know ultimately you are not going to receive an "I was wrong, I won't do anything like it again." But, I feel you may have felt before when I would not accept the blame of your words that I was, instead, placing it on you. That is not what you will get, either, unless you really only want to believe it on your own.
If you still will hear me out knowing this, then I'll do my best.
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Goddamnit everyone who isn't her gets to have all the fun.]Good- I am hardly one.
[Not really. Not any longer. Not for a long time.
She doesn't really like where this is going- he says he won't apologize- say he was wrong. She's come into this conversation prepared, though, and she can keep herself stony faced for now.]
If I'm not to receive a proper apology then do explain. I'm interested to hear how it might sway me more than a single sentence would.
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But this isn't a situation that is so black and white that you can apply simple logic of right and wrong like you are trying to convey.
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[Because to her, he may have had reasons- but the fact that she didn't acknowledge those reasons as logical meant she felt he was... just wrong.]
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I got a feeling you felt I didn't give you a satisfactory answer to your question about Matsunaga Hisahide. Do you want to elaborate?
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He's from the same world as me. In addition to a renowned reputation, he has had his eyes on my swords and my Right-Eye for some time, now. I already told you why though, didn't I ? You were offended when I said you weren't capable of keeping him out of your head.
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But.]
And you will stand by what you said about that?
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[Is that better or worse]
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[ he pauses. ] ... You should read our conversation if you haven't. Maybe you'll get a better idea, maybe you won't.
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[She'll check the conversation, but.]
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You don't even trust me as it is. So perhaps him convincing you further won't bother you. But what if during that you slip a small hint of something about others or yourself? He has no issue weaving his topics to find which one suits to causing you trouble best.the less you speak with him, the less words he has opportunity with.
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